


Kim Nearly Catches Kanye West/Jeffree Star

by OnlyForward



Category: 2021 wildness, Jeffree Star (Musician), Kanye West (Musician), Kim Kardashian: Hollywood, Real life - Fandom
Genre: Help, I had to proof read this and it nearly killed me, M/M, im so sorry, its kanye and jeffree, please god, this is a shitpost, why is it so long, yeah you read it right - Freeform, yes - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-18 14:09:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28619316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OnlyForward/pseuds/OnlyForward
Summary: Jeffree is stuck in the Kardashians closet after hooking up with Kanye West! When things seem to turn sour for their future, Jeffree looks to new beginningsThe devil works hard...but ao3 writers who are fans of current events work harder......THIS IS A CRACK FICIM SO SO SORRY
Relationships: Elon Musk/Other(s), Jeffree Star/elon musk, Kim Kardashian/Kanye West, kanye west/jeffree star
Comments: 7
Kudos: 44





	Kim Nearly Catches Kanye West/Jeffree Star

Jeffree Star was hiding in the Kardashians’ closet and not entirely sure how to feel about it. On one hand, it _was_ the most exhilarated he had felt since he had organised Shane Dawson’s collective internet cancellation back in July, but Kanye had promised that Kim would be filming with the kids until 5pm, not back home at 4. In fact, it was quite the sticky situation….

It hadn’t been like this with Nate, his ex. With Nate, everything had been so open, and simple. Jeffree had owned everything, paid for everything, and gotten a decent relationship as a bonus. And then he’d _left_ , right as they’d moved into their forever home. He wasn’t surprised. Nate’s contract _had_ ended, after all.

But Kanye West wasn’t under any relationship contract, and Jeffree was beginning to think that was a mistake.

“Kanye you don’t have to hide from me,” Kim sighs from inside the room. Kanye mutters something nonchalantly back. “Just tell me if there’s some girl, I don’t want to walk into my bathroom and see her! I need you to be straight with me.” Jeffree smirked.

“It doesn’t matter anyways.”

“It does! What if North came up here?!”

Jeffree didn’t like happy families at the best of times, but he definitely didn’t like getting in the middle of those hetero family arguments, and was finding it all a bit awkward, so he started to assess Kim’s closet. It was _quite large_ , with a surprising lack of Gucci items. Maybe she took a dislike for them nowadays. He picked up a Louis Vuitton handbag and glanced inside - she wouldn’t miss it, it was only 200k. Maybe he could do a charity run and give it away to someone small that he would manipul—help next.

“She wouldn’t see anything,” Kanye’s voice is low. He’s stressed, Jeffree can tell. He normally dislikes getting with guys like Kanye, guys who hide him away, but there’s nothing he can do to stop this kind of easy partnership.

They’ve got a mutual deal on, naturally. Jeffree doesn’t do anything without some kind of business arrangement. That’s how they met for the first time - formally anyways. A business meeting to discuss a music collab for Kanye’s new album, a sizeable donation to the 2024 Presidential campaign and within there somehow, a make-up palette named after one of his children. Jeffree forgot the name of the kid - he was letting his team take care of the palette.

Anyways, that meeting had ended with a handjob, and they’d been doing this sketchy meet up thing ever since. Bizarre how people get brought together like that.

He has suspicions that Kris Jenner knows something, but Kim still thinks it is a girl so Jeffree must be in the clear. He glances, quickly, at the shoes. Surely there are some heels he could slide into his bag….Kim wouldn’t know. A present, perhaps, from Kanye. He slides on a pair from Elon Musk - who seems in league to take the title of richest man in the world from Jeff Bezos soon. Maybe he should send him a message…see what he makes of it. Jeffree wouldn’t mind having some leverage on Elon, now that he would be taking Jeff’s space.

“I’m going to get changed,” Kim announces, the shouting match over. It wasn’t really _shouting_ , because their kids are downstairs (Jeffree shudders inwardly - offspring are definitely not his thing), more passive aggressive talking, but he’s fairly sure they will get a divorce soon.

It’s been a while since Kim had a new husband, anyways.

But she’s walking to the closet now - Kanye, this idiot! Do something!

The idiot doesn’t seem to be in action, so with a grimace he slips into Kanye’s side of the room and buries himself behind a selection of pristine winter coats - awful taste, but he does recognise one of them from a photoshoot somewhere.

Kim walks in, make up fully ready and clearly not in any need to have a change of clothes, but she grabs a jacket anyways and glances around, not noticing the Elon shoes or the handbag. Jeffree prays to the gods silently that fate will fall his way today.

“It smells like perfume in here,” Kim sniffs, but Kanye whisks his way in then to make his move.

“Baby, let’s go out tonight,” Kanye says. Well, Jeffree cocks his head, that could work as a distraction. The pandemic may make that a little difficult, but well…they are the Kardashian-Wests. Most restaurants in LA will gladly open their doors to celebrities just for the free press. “Let’s take the kids out, take them to a nice place. My friend recommended this lovely Italian place…”

Jeffree’s mouth falls open in shock. Hey - he’d recommended that restuarant! For them to go to! So he could bribe the owners into not saying anything! What a bastard. He quickly pulls out his phone and types a message to his assistant.

Jeffree: Can you get in correspondence with Elon ASAP?

And she replies lightning fast:

Lara: On it ;)

Hmm. He really wouldn’t mind Elon Musk as his next conquest.....

“Your friend, huh?” Kim crosses her arms.

“Babe, babe, not like that,” Kanye replies. Jeffree frowns - it sort of had been like that, when he’d said it. Granted, the rapper was trying to save a slowly dying marriage, but Still.

Fuck it, it was getting bloody irritating having to stand here. He felt like a teenager again, but it was no longer exhilarating, it was just annoying. Couldn’t they either leave or agree to get a divorce? Like damn.

“No? Who was it then?”

“Donald,” Kanye says, thinking on the spot. Jeffree has to bite his lip not to laugh. How is this man still married? He means Trump, naturally. They are personal correspondents, but a restaurant in LA?!

“Fine,” Kim says, indicating Kanye is on thin ice. “Let’s go. Now. We can take the kids out for the afternoon, anyways. I promised North we’d get at least one instagram photoshoot done today, and she wants that cheap £100 slice of cake she’s been talking about.”

“Sure,” Kanye mutters, grabbing a jacket himself from where Jeffree is hiding, without warning. Luckily there are enough coats that it causes no danger to revealing where he is.

And they leave - the room, first, then the house. And Jeffree is sure there are still cameras and bodyguards in this house, but fuck it, he needs to get out of here before the family comes back, so he contacts his chauffeur and drops him the address and soon one of his private helicopters has landed on the helipad. He couldn’t bear getting in an Uber, no. God, what an ordeal.

He meets his assistant Lara immediately when he’s back in the comforts of his own mansion. “Lara, status on Elon?”

“Ready when you are,” Jeffree nods, and casually puts on a new wig, then grabs the phone to see his new contact, pressing on the call button. Fuck Kanye West, anyways.

"Elon, _darling_....Nice to speak with you. I have a proposition......"

**Author's Note:**

> I'd like to formally apologise for ANYONE who reads this and queries my mental health. yeah, I need help. its 11pm and I have online school tomorrow but this idea flung to my mind so....sort of had to.


End file.
